Talk the walk

As a Christian, one of the things that is always on my mind is how to better live a Christ-pleasing life. What can I do today to make my Father in heaven pleased or in what way can I share His love with someone today? I can usually spot small gestures here and there, but usually end up doing things that anyone, Christ seeking or not, would do.

Story:
After many hours of sitting at the train station in Amtrak, I was gazing off into the shuffle of people waiting for the moment when I could pack my load and hop on the train bound for STL. It was then that I saw an elderly man asking for money, but didn't really have anything to offer him so I ignored his pleas for extra change. My eyes then wandered slowly to the Deli that was situated neatly along the furthest wall of the station's grand waiting area. I thought, "Since I don't believe money is the best I can give, why not buy him a meal instead?" Resolved, I turned to call his attention, but found that he was far from me and I was not about to leave my luggage. I figured that I'd catch up with him later on my way out while he made his rounds.

Long story short, I found him, bought him a substantial meal (so I thought). He wasn't fully content with a simple sandwich so he asked for coffee, an egg, and a fruit cup. I smiled and let him decide on what to get. I was glad to be able to help and that God had placed me in a place to give this man what he wanted. As I was leaving, he called me back. He thanks me and asks if I could further contribute to his collection plate so he could get food tomorrow.

For some reason, I became indignant. I eyed his collection of dollars he had in his hand and then gently snapped. "Haven't you been collecting money? What do you plan to use that for?" He responds with an answer that I found lacking: "Well, I just need money for coffee tomorrow. Could you give me some?" My retort was less than pleasing to say or hear: "I just paid $12 for your meal and you're asking me to give you more money! Sorry, I can't do that. You have money so you can use that."

None of that was in love. I was angry. Angry that he had the nerve to ask me for more money and angry that I had actually spent $12 on a stranger when I limit my own meals to $10. I then stalked out of the establishment with less than enough in my stomach to warrant a complete rage--it would consume too much of my energy.

--After reading Matthew 6:1-4, I realized that yes, I am capable of doing "good deeds" that make me sacrifice for others, but what am I doing it for? I know I wasn't going to go around bragging, but something inside me still wasn't in the right place. I had given to the needy, but my humility wasn't in check. I never thought that I would be the one to not talk the walk.--

So where do I go from here?: 1) Die to myself everyday. I can't profess to be following Jesus if I'm dwelling in my human nature and making things work out for me the way I want them to be. 2) Ask God to continually pull me into places of unease. When I better realize that I am to be used by Him, then I know that  this has nothing to do with me or my places of comfort. 3) Seek forgiveness when I miss the mark.

I missed the mark, but my Father is gracious and loving.

-Ife 'Quipayan' S.

The struggle

Have you ever thought that things would be better if only you knew what the future held? Then I would have known not to freak out last night.

Last night, in preparation for my two exams today, I struggled so hard to stay awake and make sense of what I was reading. All in vain. Sort of. I spent so many hours doing things to make sure I was preparing for the exams: I cancelled dinner dates, lunch dates, hang out time just so I could put myself in the best possible position to succeed.

But all to no avail. Not much was accomplished yesterday. Quite saddening. (God and I still have to talk about that), but this morning I woke up and cranked out the paper in 2 hours (5 pages) and spent time with God just thanking Him and realizing how much life does not depend on me.

Maybe that's it...I can't control life. Only He can. I know that, but maybe He was reminding me....idk. It still doesn't make sense to me.

As I head back to my studying, I just want to wish you all the best in whatever it is you've got to do today. No matter how difficult it is, ask God for motivation and a reason to keep on the grind.

Much love, peace and elbow grease,

       Ife 'Quipayan' S.

In Love

They say
"Love is blind!" 

I don't know who 'they' is, but love should not be blind.

I understand what it's supposed to mean: Love does not see the negative things in others.
I also understand that to be unhealthy. If I see my brother eating sand and choking, I'm not just going to let him continue because I love him and chose to overlook the negative. Love sees the negative, addresses it, and learns to forgive it.

"Love is patient, love is kind." Why don't we live by these rules? Love keeps loving in spite of the negative. Love is not only for romantic relationships and love is not just expressed physically.

Jesus met up with this woman at the well in John 4. She was basically the outcast of the outcasts. Even the marginalized people didn't like her. She was a Samaritan and a woman.

I want to point out is how Jesus shows His love. (Note: love is shown, not just talked about or thought about). She asks Him to provide her with a life source that never runs out: living water! He agrees and the dialogue goes down like this:

Jesus says, "Go, call your husband and come back."
She replies, "uh...I have no husband."
Jesus agrees, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."
[Insert your response here]

The conversation continues (read the rest here!!). But the point is, Jesus calls her out, because He loves her. He's not trying to get a good laugh, nor does want to hurt her. He touches that sore spot so she can realize that love is not blind to her pain, her shame or her sin.

So, tell me again why love is supposed to be blind?

He wants to heal the pain, take away the shame and keep us from sin. That's the kind of love I want. Don't you? *If you're not feeling this love and what to, holla at me. We can talk.*


Deuces,
   Ife 'Quipayan' S.

P.S. I'm just feeling extra loved today because God sees me (in all my nastiness and downfalls) and still loves.  Welps...gotta go write this paper and study me some Arabic. Chao or should I say Ma'salaama!?

Me, myself and I

"I........." How many times a day do we start our sentences with 'I' or construct strings of sentences with the word 'I' in it? It's hard to avoid it, I know. It's important that we use 'I' for several reasons such as giving someone your point of view or sharing the most riveting experience of something that happened to you. Then there are situations when we insert the 'I' unnecessarily. Someone is talking about their day (because you asked) and they pause for two seconds and you pick up where they left off. Observe:

You: Hey, Julie! How are you?
Julie: Great, fam. I just ran into my ex-boyfriend and he's not angry with me anymore. I was going to uh (pause)
You: Wait. What?! He said what? If I were you, I would have walked away right there. You know it wasn't your fault, so why does he think he has to forgive you?!Who does he think he is? I wish my ex-boyfriend would come up to me and say he's not mad. Let him be mad. I don't care!
Julie: (pause)......it's not about you.

This situation happened to me once. Really humbling and kinda awkward. My friend was right. It wasn't about me. Nor did he ask for my input. He was simply telling me a story that all I needed to do was listen.

(See how many times 'I' has been used by me?)

I'm trying to learn to think less of myself. Especially as a Christian. 2 Corinthians 2: 1-5 touches on the fact that what we have to say does not compare with what God has to say. The more we think that we are providing the greatest information or even good information, we should check ourselves. What is God saying? Seriously...

"When I came to you, brothers, I didn't no come with eloquence or superiors wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God." vs. 1 --Paul is saying that what he brought to the table, is nothing. He had to eloquence or superior wisdom. But what he testified to was what made the difference. When we start testifying about ourselves and looking inwardly, we can truly bring the Kingdom and look outwardly.

Take a step back. Read 1Cor. 2 for yourself. Recognize it's not about 'I'. Speak words that testify to God's person. 


Much love, peace, and outward-looking grease,
           Ife 'Quipayan' S. 


P.S. It's reading week and exams officially start on Thursday, but I have one everyday this week. Great. Only God can take me through....I should really stop focusing on what I can do and look to what God is capable of doing. Looking outward.

Grace on grace on grace: Thanksgiving Special

Thank you.

Thank you for your love that is relentless and the gentle way you wake me up every morning. I do not take it for granted.

I will thank you on this blog, I will thank you in my classes and I will thank you in the presence of my hommies.

You've turned my rough mornings into noteworthy afternoons, making it as if I didn't just roll out of bed and run to class.

You've turned places of hurt into arenas of joy and peace. Where there was no life, you stepped in and breathed your life.

I thank you for taking me through those valleys and for loving me enough to not leave me there.
I thank you for giving me the type of joy that doesn't dwindle with the tossing of the waves or with the onslaught of homework.

This semester has been grace on grace on grace on grace. And for that I thank you.

Thanking God does not start with Thanksgiving, I know, but let's take this time to really sit, listen, remember, and thank.

Psalm 107:31-43

I deeply desire that you find reasons to be thankful this time of the year and recognize how blessed you are, so...

Much love, peace and thankfulness grease,

     Ife 'Quipayan' S.

Penny for your thoughts (well mine)

Sometimes I’m not sure people want to hear my thoughts. In life we’re encouraged to be bold, speak up, stand for something, let your voice be heard, but, they never let us know how to be in situations when people don’t want to hear it. Sometimes, I’m not sure people want to hear my thoughts.

I consider myself to be quite thoughtful, as in full of thought. I think often and deeply. I think about yesterday, I think about tomorrow, I think about the boy that just sat beside me and I think about what my face looks like from someone else’s perspective. I ponder about love and about selfishness. I ruminate about my failures and my successes (sometimes too frequently). I chew over the things I’ve forgotten and the things I never let go.

I think. A lot. But I wander if people ever want to know what I’m thinking. I’d love to share it with them. That’s probably why I write so much. If only I could automatically take my thoughts and sprinkle them on this canvas, if only I could empty my brain and pick through the ripe thoughts, the interestingly neglected ones, the bothersome ones. If only.

To stop thinking, would that be so wrong? If for one day, I chose not to sit and think or let my mind wander, would that be so wrong? I’m too curious for such an act. I’d lose control of my mouth and have enemies lined up at my door.

My thoughts are valuable, well, the mature ones at least. I’m not sure about the recently budding contemplations that have “Dead End” dangling from them. I think because I am (alive). I am (alive) because I think. So, to think is to be. If for one day I chose not to think, I would have chosen death.

Hence, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if people want to hear my thoughts. I want to live. Eso nomas. 

***So if you just read my blog and don't care about my thoughts, thank you. You've simply added to my life.***
---Have a great day.---

Sleep chronicle: Daily report on sleeping patterns

Ay friend. What it do?

As I mentioned in a previous blog post (I've Got It Twisted), I am chronicling my sleeping hours, the effects and what not till I get to a place where I'm sleeping 7-9 hours regularly (I don't think I've slept that much in a while. Problematic.)
I'm doing this, not because I think sleep is the most important part of my life, but because I am very aware of the fact that I am not effective, listening to God or responsive when I have little-to-no sleep. In Psalm 4:8, sleep is associated with peace, which is what God provides. I want peace.

So here goes. Let me know if you have any suggestions!

Day 1--5 hours. Woke up late. Didn't do devotions. Dozed off in two of my classes. By 5:00pm I wasn't taking any intellectual information in or being responsive to questions. I lost my train of thought really quickly and forgot what people said just as quickly. I might be getting sick. I don't know yet. Took a 1.5 hour nap during the day. Missed LG and got a bit behind on hw. Physically felt drained and not alert at all. 3:30am-8:15am.

Day 2--6 hours. Wrote an Arabic paper/did devotions. Struggled to stay awake in class and at work, but stayed awake. Didn't take a nap, but really wanted to skip class to take one. Physically felt weighed down with my lack of energy and sleep. 2am-8:15am

Day 3--6.5 hours. Did devotions (for 10 min). "Did" my Arabic hw and was NOT late to class. I stayed awake in my second class (IC) until the very end, but it was better than the last class. I still felt tired, but sat down a rested for a while. I took a 2.0 hour nap during the day, missed an event I wanted to really go to. :Sad day: 1am-7:30am

Day 4--6.5 hours 1:30am-8am

Day 5--6 hours 45 min. 1:45am-8:30am. Wanted to nap.

Day 6--~6 hours  2:10am-8:30am. Felt good and engaged today. Took a 1hr nap, but it wasn't too long and that was sufficient. I was pooped by the end of the day, but that might have been because I was running around all day.

Day 7--~7 hours 12:30am-5:00am, 6:45am-8:45am. No nap. Felt really good all day. Didn't feel tired though my sleep was broken up. Didn't start feeling sleepy till after 1pm. Very productive day with hw and relaxation. Stayed awake for the most part in church.

Day 8--~7 hours1:45am-8:40am  Woke up late, but got ready in <15 min.