The struggle

Have you ever thought that things would be better if only you knew what the future held? Then I would have known not to freak out last night.

Last night, in preparation for my two exams today, I struggled so hard to stay awake and make sense of what I was reading. All in vain. Sort of. I spent so many hours doing things to make sure I was preparing for the exams: I cancelled dinner dates, lunch dates, hang out time just so I could put myself in the best possible position to succeed.

But all to no avail. Not much was accomplished yesterday. Quite saddening. (God and I still have to talk about that), but this morning I woke up and cranked out the paper in 2 hours (5 pages) and spent time with God just thanking Him and realizing how much life does not depend on me.

Maybe that's it...I can't control life. Only He can. I know that, but maybe He was reminding me....idk. It still doesn't make sense to me.

As I head back to my studying, I just want to wish you all the best in whatever it is you've got to do today. No matter how difficult it is, ask God for motivation and a reason to keep on the grind.

Much love, peace and elbow grease,

       Ife 'Quipayan' S.

Consequences of cabin fever

Oh splendid, splendid reader. You are the delightful surprise at the end of lull-inducing day.

I do a lot of self examination. (Nothing too deep otherwise I'll find something about myself that disgusts me).

 Life has been quite interesting for me. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I want my last year at WashU to be like and what I'd like to spend my last year doing.

And I've come to a conclusion: I want to spend my last year doing things that I love! Now, this is all rather relative because I can only do things that I love once I've gotten past doing things that I may not love. Ejemplo: I'd love to spend every moment singing, dancing or acting, but in order for that to happen, I have to do hw so I don't fail out of school.

However, there just isn't enough time in the day to do all that. What to do?? This is where I am now. How in the world is it possible to get all this done?

-----Also, I've become rather pessimistic these past few days. It's quite the problem. I barely even notice it either, that's how bad it is. I know when it started, but I can't credit that one incident to my recent outlook on life. Story: I read an article in StudLife today about how WashU's ranking dropped from being 13th to 14th (essentially breaking the tie between itself and another university). My reaction was to laugh. I laughed at what I thought was a stupid system of grading universities and how trivial this article seemed. I also attributed this decline to the students at the school. I feel like each year is less intelligent than the previous...or are we all just kidding ourselves in our level of intellectualism? But really though. The people here don't seem that much more intelligent that people I know elsewhere who attend non-ranked universities. -------

I have cabin fever and I want to get out. So badly. People at WashU are making me so upset it's crazy. I've never felt this way before and I hope it goes away otherwise I'mma get a 4.0 and peace out without doing much or enjoying my last year. I kinda don't care at this moment. I really just don't care. Unfortunately.

I may have dug too deep.

Let's be honest with ourselves....

Late night?

Ya'll I'm tired, hungry and awake. Not sure which to consider, but I'd really like to say hello to those who read my blogs!

You make me happy. Really though. Leave comments/feedback on them so I get a good understanding of your thoughts!

I love reading them, so comment away!!

-Good night and God bless.

   Deuces

Earth to Ife. Halllo?

As I'm sitting here in my bed really late this...dusk, I'm really thinking about my future. (Buckle up, this one's a doozy). Don't fall asleep on me here.

No, just joking. I am thinking about my future, but I won't be sharing it (much) with you.

So I have 2 blogs and realized when I was writing in the other one that I really don't want to be a lawyer. Eso.

On to the rest of Chile. I think I want to come back to Chile after I finish college. I have been thinking that I really don't want to leave right now. I don't know what it is that is making me feel this way (I haven't fallen in love so I can rule that out), but it's strong enough to make me consider leaving and starting over.

Maybe that's it. Starting over. I actually don't want to talk about this right now. It's too late and I'm not thinking correctly. The blog isn't a sounding board so I won't bore you with my preliminary thoughts. I have lots of them if you want to hear them...later. Just let me know. I might just share.

Then, I am here to talk about my week. My first full week back from el norte and intense work. I've stayed in most days of this week and probably eaten way too much, but that's okay. I'm not going anywhere soon. I am working on my project that is due in a month and therefore have no classes or no obligations...speaking of obligations....

He has none. He's a 30-algo year old man with 2 kids under the age of 10 and lives in the home of his mother. My host brother in el norte. Codename: Stephen. My host mom suggested we get married. Chiste, obviously, but I was like "What? He's not married?" And so is the case of many young men here in the lovely Chile.

(Disclaimer: THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION DOES NOT APPLY TO EVERY FAMILY AND DO NOT APPLY IN ALL ASPECTS.)

         I'm not going to be really extensive because I do have a 3 page paper to finish. But here's what I've noticed. There are a lot of babies having babies and baby daddies with no obligations or little obligations to the children they have, and there are a lot of 'grown men', digamos, who still live with their parents.

It is very much a cultural thing. The family setting is a very powerful organization of people and is very important. The mothers take very good care of the children (pretty much until they get married, but sometimes after that....). They do their laundry, cook, make their child's bed, etc.

Example:

  *Macarena (a very popular Chilean name) is a 25 year old that lives with her mother. She has a 3 year old daughter. She is not married to *Rodrigo (the father of the child), but sometimes spends the night in his house with his parents who take care of their daughter *Juliana. For Rodrigo to be living with his parents at the age of 30 is not anything to be ashamed of or to be made fun of as it is sometimes the case in the US. Rodrigo works, has a car (which is something pretty rare in Valparaiso) and brings in his own income; however he does not live on his own. Rodrigo's mother does not mind taking care of her granddaughter when her son has to work or is out with friends. Rodrigo does run errands for his mother and probably does some chores. This is a not always the norm.

Another scenario is that Rodrigo does not do chores, and in fact in incapable of cooking himself a meal. He has a girlfriend (off and on), carretea (parties) a lot and attends the university (say he's 25, not 30). He still has a daughter, but does not spend time with her. He lives with his mom and she does everything for him. Cooks, cleans, makes his bed and does his laundry.

Okay, basically, after an unfortunately drawn out blog (which I apologize for), the lifestyle is different here in Chile. I personally think that it spoils the young children and does not make the younger generation responsible for its actions. When you continue depending on your parents and are not given any form of independence, it can create an atmosphere of non-chalant-ness (?). Because mom and pops give you a place to stay and food and a roof even if you have kids that you don't support and spend countless nights not contributing positively to society and its growth.

Whatevs. I'm done. Earth to Ife. Wow.. what a rant. Remind me NOT to write when I'm tired.

*These names are used to protect the identity of the people involved in this story.