What a Gift

If I passed up this opportunity to speak, my heart would be restless.

I take my blessings where I get them. When the light turns green as I am running 4 minutes late to work, when the winds blow gently enough that I sense the seasons change, when I nearly escape accidents on the road because of my zombie-like driving habits, when I can pay all my bills and can take a flight home on the holidays. I count those blessings every day because some people don't get the ray of sunshine that day. Their days, which turn into weeks, are marked by the onslaught of rain. The rain that doesn't let up and is matched with dark clouds that overshadow the potential for a sliver of sun light.

I've had dark days. Days where I can't help a student, days where I let my pride get in the way of being someone's saving grace, days where I can't see the purpose of anything I'm doing. But my days don't get as dark as the days where Death releases a soul.

Regardless, these past few weeks, I've come to know Death more than I would have hoped. Witnessing its effects and the myriad of responses we have to its presence.

We outright refuse Death: No! This can't be happening!
We tremble: Please! Tell me it isn't true?
We dismiss Death: What happened? What was wrong? How is this true?
We break down where tears and pain are inconsolable. Our strength is zapped.

I've prayed. Cried. Sung. Sat in silence.
And somehow the pain of loss becomes dulled by the joy of life. Life is a gift!

This person was given a gift. And, God willing, they used it and shared this gift with others.
Gifts are precious because gifts are a gesture of love. From His heart to ours. From the treasures of gold, rubies, diamonds, fancy cars and clothes, He chose to give us another person in our life with whom we could share our joys, our hopes, our sadness and our victories.

Life given is a gesture of love.
Life taken is a signal that the presence of that person is no more, but their legacy will live on in me. I am now all the better because I've been given this gift and whoever they were is now part of me. What a gift.

To this end, we should cry the tears of pain, then cry the tears of joy because you've been given a precious gift because He loves you. That love is never ending, be it in the form of a person or otherwise. That love, let's embrace that love.

(P.S. I haven't lost anyone particularly close to me, but life's meaning hit me significantly these past few weeks. I celebrate life.)

Denying Myself

Saudade! I hope everyone is well and enjoying whatever is left of this Friday or Saturday if you're in another part of the world. As much as I wish I had good reason for not blogging in a while, I do not. Let's just get to the point of the blog.

On my off day (Fridays), I like to spend some good quality time with God and catch up on the word. Today isn't any different. Using Our Daily Bread as a starting point, it directed me to Luke 9:18-27.

Verses 23 & 24 really stuck out to me as being a bold request, like a take-it-or-leave-it request. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

Let's break these verses down:

First, I looked up the word 'DENY' in Merriam-Webster dictionary online and this is what I found:

Definition of DENY

1

: to declare untrue <deny an allegation>

2

: to refuse to admit or acknowledge : disavow <denyresponsibility>

3

a : to give a negative answer to <denying the petitioners>

b : to refuse to grant <deny a request>

c : to restrain (oneself) from gratification of desires

4

archaic : decline

5

: to refuse to accept the existence, truth, or validity of

(Bolded and enlarged by me for emphasis)

The 3rd definition seems to fit well with the verse, but it was the 5th definition that made me unsettled. What if we were to refuse to accept the existence of ourselves and only acknowledged the Jesus in us? I ran this through my brain a bit more and couldn't quite justify the complete denying of myself as it would play out in the 5th definition. It's an extreme response to the things of this world. A hot-or-cold decision, a complete denial. 

I then came back to the 3rd definition, part c. "To restrain (oneself) from gratification of desires." Does that seem to work better in the verse? I refuse myself of the things I want, instead say 'yes' to the things of God. No to me, yes to God. No to me, yes to God.

No to laziness, yes to faithfulness

No to apathy, yes to compassion

No to limited, yes to limitless

No to inappropriate tv/movies/books/media, yes to uplifting, encouraging, fulfilling things.

No to "I can't", yes to "He can"

No to me, myself and I, yes to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

No to "I can do better", yes to "Help me to do better"

No to using my talents and gifts for me, yes to using my talents and gifts for Him, for His people and for the world.

Wow. That took a lot of deep digging. There are many more things that I should say no to and many more things that I will say yes to. By God's grace, this week will be better because I am saying 'Yes' to God every chance I get. 'Yes' to His love in me, 'yes' to His power in me, 'yes' to His direction for my life; yes to Christ.

"...If anyone would come after me [Christ], he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

Blessings.

Tents at the Crossroads

It's time, yes another time, to delve into the undramatic life of Ife S. Despite the long hiatus, sabbatical, I am back here to stay! : applause:

Thank you, thank you for the warm welcome. I've missed you all dearly and, to be honest, I don't remember why I haven't been more up to do. But, it's alright; life happens.

These past few months (8 months to be exact) of living back at home have been so overwhelming at times and underwhelming at others. If I could wrap up this period of my life and illustrate it in a picture, it would be winding roads and pathways that lead off the page, into the great unknown.

The unknown was never a scary place for me. I would purposely hit my tennis balls into the forest (basically bushes and trees in the park) just so that I could have an adventure in the great wild! Even from my tiny tots days, I would leap into great waters (the local swimming pool) hoping to run into a shark so that I could implement the most epic escape ever. I dreamt of daring stunts and running from wolves, zig-zagging between trees to reach the edge of the mountain's cliff and leap into the sun free falling to the earth and landing unscathed. That was the me that delighted in the unknown.

But now...

    now, the unknown is my crippling enemy. That kryptonite to my Superwoman power, the Delilah to my Samson strength,

And I am fed up of the fear. I do blame the people around me though. It is 80-20, with me carrying only a slight fault in my current state. They filled my head with 'what ifs' and 'think again' and 'no' and 'are you sure?'. I never stood at crossroads for very long. I was always making choices and willingly living with whatever consequences, good or bad, because I knew why and was okay with that. Nevertheless, these days I spend most of my time picnicking at the crossroad, watching people go by and constantly turning around to see if my past will help me figure out the future.

Friends, this is not a good place to camp, or sink your roots. Not a good place at all.

Next installment, fixing this issue. Until then, sayanora!

Pain, pain go away...

...come again another day.

Just watched a sermon from The Journey about how we respond to pain.

How Ife responds to pain:

• Ignore it--I'm really good at ignoring things that bring me pain because I can always watch a movie, go on Facebook, read a book or do something that makes me happy.
• Suppress it--My motto: Out of sight, out of mind.
• Down play it--"It's part of life; just let it be."
• Blog about it!--my favorite...generally makes me feel better

But the sermon that Darrin Patrick shared asks us to go to God with our pain. I sometimes do that...and then blog about it still. I know my God is all powerful, but I am sometimes too deep in the pain to think about how to properly approach God about my situation, which defeats the purpose of trusting Him; He needs to prep work because He wants me just as I am...a mess.

So, next time you're in pain, foresee pain or witness pain, go to God with it first and ask Him to work out a healing process. 

Here is the link to the sermon. Great stuff with great solutions. He pulls from the all too popular book of Habakkuk---now, where is that?

Much love, peace and praying grease,

Ife 'Quipayan' S. 

Choosing to surrender

You would think that after 22 years of life, I would have figured somethings out. Well, I haven't. I haven't figured out how to:

1. Keep my room clean for more than 2 weeks
2. Write a research paper over a span of 1 month
3. Not binge spend
4. Follow Jesus

Chris Tomlin's song I Will Follow You

"All your ways are good. All your ways are sure." This line reminds me that I should want to follow Jesus' ways, follow in His footsteps and learn for Him. I know I've repeated many times that it's not about me, but sometimes I twist this. I recognize God in me and what He's called me to do, however, I recently thought about what that really means and looks like. 

        In my heart, I want to remember that when I say I follow Jesus and I want Him to use me, I recognize that I have a choice to disobey. I recognize that ultimately following Jesus is a decision to surrender. Surrender. This word is scary because it calls us to relinquish control. Control over our body, over our heart, over our actions and our thoughts. Complete surrender. That's what following Jesus is about, not saying "Okay, Jesus I see your plan and I think I'm down for that because it fits my plan too!"  It's saying "Whoa, Jesus. I see you doing really radical things and though the person of Ife would rather run, I made a choice to follow you, and I will." It's a relationship to follow knowing that He's done it first.

       He's been there already. He's defeated death already. He's freed me from "wrongs" and "rights". The standards that I live by are not of this world.

This is my prayer. I've prayed it so many times. To fully surrender. It's a process so today I start with a surrender of my body. My body chooses to recognize that I've been bought with a price and I do not belong to myself.

SN: I'm shaking my head thinking about what I chose to do. Surrender. What!?! Alright Jesus, I'm embarking on this journey and you know I'll be laughing all the way.

Being George Zimmerman

Warning: The example in this blog involves the case on Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman and calls the reader to imagine.


         Imagine George Zimmerman was pronounced not-guilty, not deserving of the punishment he should get. With all the evidence going on and surfacing, it's hard, for me, to see why he has not been arrested. Imagine that the judge recognizes this. The jury recognizes this. Even his own attorney recognizes this. And what is the judgement call? A pardon.

After killing in cold blood, throwing out racial slurs, lying to the police, faking a beat up, disobeying authorities, sparking nation wide uproar, he is allowed to walk away 

unpunished.

But why? How can anyone see this evidence and make this case?

           They do see the evidence and are ready to make a guilty call, but suddenly his dad steps up and takes the place of his son. Robert Zimmerman approaches the judge and the jury begging to take the place of his son so he won't have to face the consequences of his actions. They agree. Even Martin's family agrees. Someone must pay the price. And when that price is paid, George Zimmerman is pronounced justified with the Martin family because someone else paid the price, he himself does not have to.

Imagine the uproar! The outcries of the nations!

How can someone so bad be given a second chance to life? How can this wretched man be allowed to live? HE MUST PAY!!

Imagine the feeling of liberation on the part of G. Zimmerman!

"I don't deserve this!" "I am unworthy of this sacrifice." "I did all these bad things, but don't have to pay the ultimate consequence for it?" Zimmerman will carry the guilt, will forever be at the mercy of the Martin family and will never be able to repay ANYONE for the pardon he was given. 

Imagine if you were George Zimmerman.

I am George Zimmerman.

I am guilty of passing judgement on my friends because of my holier-than-thou mentality

I am guilty of lying to my parents so they won't know what I do at school.

I am guilty of betraying my best friend to see a guy that I thought I was interested in.

I am guilty of pretending to be/do who I am not.

I am guilty of being bitter because I'm jealous, angry because I am defiant and lashing out because I refuse to see eye-to-eye.

For all the times I am Trayvon Martin--being misunderstood by society, friends, family--I am many times over George Zimmerman. 

But if it were not for the sacrifice someone else took in my place, I would have paid the consequences. I should have paid the consequences. That alone is enough to recognize my imperfection. I will never be perfect and so I have no choice by to be at the mercy of my Father. To say " God, have mercy on me, a sinner." 

Unlike George Zimmerman, though, I have someone who willing takes my place and in doing so, compels me to right my wronged relationships. The mercy and love I have been showing is not without its return. By accepting the sacrifice in my place, I am called to respond by showing that same mercy to others and pointing them to the hope that the sacrifice gives. Hope that promises:

"He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

(Psalm 103:9-12)

I will eternally apologize for my mistakes, the way I hurt people, but with the Love I've received, I desire to do better and be better. I don't deserve this pardon, but I want to live right because that's what accepting a pardon calls us to do.

How have you hurt your fellow human being?
What should your punishments be?

How do you respond to this judgment call of a pardon?

*Jesus does not condone murder nor any act of discrimination, stereotyping, or hate, so neither do I. This isn't a perfect portrayal of the sacrifice Jesus made, but it's only to give us a glimpse into the concept of forgiveness and pardon. 

Psalm 23-In Arabic

 اَلرَّبُّ رَاعِيَّ فَلاَ يُعْوِزُنِي شَيْءٌ. 2 فِي مَرَاعٍ خُضْرٍ يُرْبِضُنِي. إِلَى مِيَاهِ الرَّاحَةِ يُورِدُنِي. 3 يَرُدُّ نَفْسِي. يَهْدِينِي إِلَى سُبُلِ الْبِرِّ مِنْ أَجْلِ اسْمِهِ. 4 أَيْضاً إِذَا سِرْتُ فِي وَادِي ظِلِّ الْمَوْتِ لاَ أَخَافُ شَرّاً لأَنَّكَ أَنْتَ مَعِي. عَصَاكَ وَعُكَّازُكَ هُمَا يُعَزِّيَانِنِي. 5 تُرَتِّبُ قُدَّامِي مَائِدَةً تُجَاهَ مُضَايِقِيَّ. مَسَحْتَ بِالدُّهْنِ رَأْسِي. كَأْسِي رَيَّا. 6 إِنَّمَا خَيْرٌ وَرَحْمَةٌ يَتْبَعَانِنِي كُلَّ أَيَّامِ حَيَاتِي وَأَسْكُنُ فِي بَيْتِ الرَّبِّ إِلَى مَدَى الأَيَّامِ. 

مزامير 23 

http://www.copticchurch.net/cgibin/bible/index.php?r=psalms+23&version=SVD&btn=View&showVN=1 

I'm doing a presentation in my Arabic class about the 3 religious texts and me toca presentar sobre la biblia  (injeel--which literally means the Gospel). I'm excited to read it, but I have to pray for clarity because sometimes I stumble when I read in public, but will do perfectly when I'm reading by myself. 

Anyway, it's a good day and I thank God for the weather even though my allergies are acting up. Oh well. I'll just look extra high. Nbd. 

Until next time,

Ife 'Quipayan' S.