Smoke Screens

I'm twenty-five years old, and work at a small private education company in Northern Virginia. I grew up in Southeast Wisconsin and am addicted to TV, the internet, and chocolate. Welcome to my world. I'm also a Christian.

Having parents as pastors, my 3 siblings and I grew up in the Bible and the Christian faith. Every statement was followed with a scripture. "Ife, wake up! You'll be late for school. 'A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.' Poverty is not for you, gehl." Basically, if God didn't say it, we didn't do it. 

I never found it particularly overbearing, or burdensome to grow up in that type of environment as those on the outside looking in would think. It gave me a foundation to stand on, helped me stay out of trouble (for the most part), and has seen me through many teenage moments. That faith was my guide; my protector so to speak, and this was the case till I entered college, where the faith was not just for me to keep me sober on the weekends, but also something that I'd learn to share with my roommates, classmates and friends. I led bible studies, hosted praise nights and invited all my friends to church.

Then I graduated. My faith became "modernized", more palatable, more appealing and less potent.

This week I'm reading a book titled "Jesus is..." by Judah Smith. The chapter I'm reading deals with the topic of sin. Whoa! A big word. Sometimes, when I say it aloud, I feel like I dropped a curse word, like I said something vulgar. But it's not. It's the reality of our current state of affairs. The chapter emphasizes that we judge people based on how "little" or "big" the sin is. God sees sin as all the same, no curved scale, no levels, nothing. "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

Having entered the real world, my life, actions, still reflect God, but my words and actions are dulled by the pressure I feel to appease, fit in, keep my job! I work in education so everyone is brilliant and extremely well educated. I'm not sure I quite fit in, so I do my best to assimilate and find where I fit. "We hide behind philosophical musings of cosmic good and evil, and we wax eloquent about love and tolerance and how that would make all the bad in the world go away. It's a smoke screen, a defense mechanism to deflect attention from the gaping holes in our holiness."

I don't want to hide any more. I don't want to fit in by presenting my beliefs as harmless and inoffensive. I don't want to mask the truth for pseudo-truth that is more acceptable.

Father, thank you for the reminder to be just the person I was made to be. Thank you that you show us images of who we are and who you want us to be. May your truth be constantly on my lips. Holy Spirit, guide my thoughts, actions and words this week. That I might be real, true and faithful to the cause.

Until Tuesday! 

BookMANIA

Dear Fellow Citizens of the World,

Happy Spring Break 2015! Whaat!? Well, I'm on Spring Break, that is. I don't know about you, but whatever season of your life you're in, celebrate it.

In the last 2 years since I've written a post, here are the major life updates you need to know:
1. I'm living in the city of my dreams: the DMV--DC.Maryland.Virginia. Set out in June 2013 and haven't looked back. It will be my 2 year anniversary in 2 months and I'm beyond thrilled!
2. I'm the office director of an education company in Virginia and killin' the game (by God's grace).
3. I'm 25. Yep. That happened a few weeks ago.
4. I started learning Portuguese, but haven't set up a consistent learning schedule so I'm basic at best.
5. I attend an amazing church that has been my source of community and strength since moving to the DMV.
6. I've been acting, performing and dancing all over the area and so glad I get to use my talents for good.

If you have questions about any of these updates, feel free to let me know and I'd be more than happy to share my experience with you!

The point of this blog!!:
I'm working through my personal library. While doing some spring cleaning, I realized there were a large number of books I've never actually finished or read. My goal is to blog about these books as a means of keeping track of what I'm reading, but also sharing my thoughts with others.

It would be great if I can finish them all this year, so I'm supposed to be reading at least 4 books a month! YIKES! In attempts to balance, I've chosen to read a fictional, educational, spiritual and professional book each month. Here's the list (don't laugh, I need to purchase more books!):

April:
*Jesus Is...
*El Cuaderno Rojo
*Now, Discover Your Strength
*Development Projects for the New Millennium

May:
Pinochet and Me
Following Jesus in the "Real World"
The Slight Edge
One Thousand Gifts

June:
David & Goliath
Fidel Castro: My Life
When God Writes Your Love Story
China's Congo Plan

July:
Tales of the Not Forgotten
Die Empty
Beyond the Snows of the Andes
Small Group Leaders' Handbook

August:
The Bottom Billion
Cherished
Intimacy with the Almighty
One Hundred Years of Solitude

September:
Jesus with Dirty Feet
Live the Dream: No More Excuses
My Life My Africa
Faithful

October:
Please Don't Bomb the Suburbs
The Radical Disciple
Smile
Your Road Map for Success

November:
The Power to Dream
Redeeming Love
Breaking the Rules
Nelson Mandela: The Life of a Super Legend

December:
Leading Life-Changing Small Groups
The Palm-Wine Drinkard
Veinte Poemas de Amor
59 Seconds: Change your life in under a minute

Guess what. There are books that didn't make it on the list. I had a few last minutes changes to include my Kindle e-books so that expanded my list. Four books a month is a lofty goal, but I believe it'll be an amazing experience.

Action plan: Blog Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays
Vision: Spend less time watching TV, and more time growing mentally.

Here goes! Wishing you the best this week, and that you find goals to pursue,
-Ife 'Quipayan' S.

Experiment on Righteousness

Rules. Rules. Rules. Rules!

We all get tired of rules every now and then. Rules that remind us we aren't driving on the German autobahn at whatever speed we want. Rules that tell us how tall we can build our fancy houses. Rules that make us pay extra at the check-out line (yes, those pesky taxes). Rules that put noise limits on our celebrations, otherwise guess who shows up at your door?

All these rules are certainly in place for a reason. If speed limits were not in place, accidents and deaths would occur at a greater rate than they already do. If we built wherever and however we wanted, we would also fall to our deaths faster--designing unstable buildings at dangerous heights (no bueno). And if there were no rules on taxes (imagine optional tax?!), our society would not be funded and we wouldn't get paved roads or functioning street lights.

So these rules are good for something!

The same goes for the rules God put into place for us. Laws on how to treat your neighbors, on what thoughts are permissible, on what marriage means, on what kind of person we should be.

I was thinking about these rules, laws, precepts, statutes last night as I faded to sleep. Why don't I adhere to these better? Why do I make the choice to follow some rules and disregard others? Aren't they for MY benefit?

If I choose to drive at 100mph, people would look at me crazy and worry for my safety. If I choose to entertain thoughts that are not pure, true, noble, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), my outlook on life, my perception of people and my actions start to reflect these negative, hurtful thoughts. Isn't that dangerous?

And David comes to the same conclusion: I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life (Psalm 119: 93). The rules and laws of God are to help us, never to harm us; to give us a bright future, one that He has planned since the beginning of time.

So, I am going to try something. I'm not perfect, yet so I have lots of room to grown. Let's try moral excellence for size. 21 days of diligently following God's precepts: my experiment on righteousness, and we'll see what the results are after those 21 days.

And one of the ways I'll know His statutes is by reading the word, hearing the word and studying the word.

Each day, I'll document what precept I learned and how I lived by it. I'll keep notes on my computer and share progress results every few days (God help me). Not in my strength, but in His strength alone because we all know that being human is such a struggle!

Independent variables: God's laws, i.e. the Bible
Dependent variables: My progress

Constant: Reading the Word at 9:30 am every morning and spending at least 10 minutes in prayer in the mornings. Wooo. LORD, help me. Give me the dedication and the commitment (which I'm not very good at yet...surprise surprise).

Alright, I'll take it one day at a time. That's life, right?

Here's to this experiment!

Much love, peace and elbow grease,

Ife "Quipayan" S.

New Kind of Monster

Found on Hanging10withBosco.com

Hello friendlies,
In order for this short post to make sense, you have to see this YouTube video (F-bomb alert)! 

1. Spoken word is awesome (watch the video if you STILL haven't).

2. This particular video reminded me, as a Christian, I try and have this look, this image going for me -
*Pumpkin: the well rounded Christian, not too obnoxious, not too bland, just right.
*Fairy: the Christian doing the most good
*Turtle: the Christian no one hates
*M 'n' M: the Christian that's got it ALL going on 

The super chill, holy, Jesus-filled, walking the straight and narrow. Christian.

But, there's a lot of darkness inside that I don't want others to see, the freak show underneath:
(enter OLD creature Ife)

 "....all that I am don't fit prettily into polyester and spandex [i.e. Los 10 Commandments for me]. I'd much rather be a Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong, Loch Ness goblin, ghoul, a zombie with no conscious [ . . . ] I'd much rather be vampire. My reflection disappearing every time I looked in the mirror so I wouldn't have to worry about flaws that stare blankly back at me."

Pause. Stop and Consider

2 Corinthians 5:17, the Bible

 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: 

The old has gone, the new is here!"

"On a bad day, I'm human." My organs fail, my flaws shine bright like a diamond, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. On a good day, I become like the vampire-don't see my flaws, I'm like the mummy-dead to me, and I'm like the boogeyman-the devil's worst nightmare. My flaws are thrown so far away from me, my old rebellious, enslaved self is dead and buried and I become a new kind of threat.

Not out of my own power, but of a power that resides in me (that I call Jesus power) and can shine through when I'm not trying to control. So, yes. I choose to be monster, a new kind of monster.

Pause.

2 Corinthians 5:17

 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: 

The old has gone, the new is here!"

"I've heard that some of the most beautiful women are the craziest ones."

*Side Note: Props to the ladies on the video. All the quoted parts not cited are their words, not mine.*

What a Gift

If I passed up this opportunity to speak, my heart would be restless.

I take my blessings where I get them. When the light turns green as I am running 4 minutes late to work, when the winds blow gently enough that I sense the seasons change, when I nearly escape accidents on the road because of my zombie-like driving habits, when I can pay all my bills and can take a flight home on the holidays. I count those blessings every day because some people don't get the ray of sunshine that day. Their days, which turn into weeks, are marked by the onslaught of rain. The rain that doesn't let up and is matched with dark clouds that overshadow the potential for a sliver of sun light.

I've had dark days. Days where I can't help a student, days where I let my pride get in the way of being someone's saving grace, days where I can't see the purpose of anything I'm doing. But my days don't get as dark as the days where Death releases a soul.

Regardless, these past few weeks, I've come to know Death more than I would have hoped. Witnessing its effects and the myriad of responses we have to its presence.

We outright refuse Death: No! This can't be happening!
We tremble: Please! Tell me it isn't true?
We dismiss Death: What happened? What was wrong? How is this true?
We break down where tears and pain are inconsolable. Our strength is zapped.

I've prayed. Cried. Sung. Sat in silence.
And somehow the pain of loss becomes dulled by the joy of life. Life is a gift!

This person was given a gift. And, God willing, they used it and shared this gift with others.
Gifts are precious because gifts are a gesture of love. From His heart to ours. From the treasures of gold, rubies, diamonds, fancy cars and clothes, He chose to give us another person in our life with whom we could share our joys, our hopes, our sadness and our victories.

Life given is a gesture of love.
Life taken is a signal that the presence of that person is no more, but their legacy will live on in me. I am now all the better because I've been given this gift and whoever they were is now part of me. What a gift.

To this end, we should cry the tears of pain, then cry the tears of joy because you've been given a precious gift because He loves you. That love is never ending, be it in the form of a person or otherwise. That love, let's embrace that love.

(P.S. I haven't lost anyone particularly close to me, but life's meaning hit me significantly these past few weeks. I celebrate life.)

Denying Myself

Saudade! I hope everyone is well and enjoying whatever is left of this Friday or Saturday if you're in another part of the world. As much as I wish I had good reason for not blogging in a while, I do not. Let's just get to the point of the blog.

On my off day (Fridays), I like to spend some good quality time with God and catch up on the word. Today isn't any different. Using Our Daily Bread as a starting point, it directed me to Luke 9:18-27.

Verses 23 & 24 really stuck out to me as being a bold request, like a take-it-or-leave-it request. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

Let's break these verses down:

First, I looked up the word 'DENY' in Merriam-Webster dictionary online and this is what I found:

Definition of DENY

1

: to declare untrue <deny an allegation>

2

: to refuse to admit or acknowledge : disavow <denyresponsibility>

3

a : to give a negative answer to <denying the petitioners>

b : to refuse to grant <deny a request>

c : to restrain (oneself) from gratification of desires

4

archaic : decline

5

: to refuse to accept the existence, truth, or validity of

(Bolded and enlarged by me for emphasis)

The 3rd definition seems to fit well with the verse, but it was the 5th definition that made me unsettled. What if we were to refuse to accept the existence of ourselves and only acknowledged the Jesus in us? I ran this through my brain a bit more and couldn't quite justify the complete denying of myself as it would play out in the 5th definition. It's an extreme response to the things of this world. A hot-or-cold decision, a complete denial. 

I then came back to the 3rd definition, part c. "To restrain (oneself) from gratification of desires." Does that seem to work better in the verse? I refuse myself of the things I want, instead say 'yes' to the things of God. No to me, yes to God. No to me, yes to God.

No to laziness, yes to faithfulness

No to apathy, yes to compassion

No to limited, yes to limitless

No to inappropriate tv/movies/books/media, yes to uplifting, encouraging, fulfilling things.

No to "I can't", yes to "He can"

No to me, myself and I, yes to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

No to "I can do better", yes to "Help me to do better"

No to using my talents and gifts for me, yes to using my talents and gifts for Him, for His people and for the world.

Wow. That took a lot of deep digging. There are many more things that I should say no to and many more things that I will say yes to. By God's grace, this week will be better because I am saying 'Yes' to God every chance I get. 'Yes' to His love in me, 'yes' to His power in me, 'yes' to His direction for my life; yes to Christ.

"...If anyone would come after me [Christ], he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

Blessings.

Tents at the Crossroads

It's time, yes another time, to delve into the undramatic life of Ife S. Despite the long hiatus, sabbatical, I am back here to stay! : applause:

Thank you, thank you for the warm welcome. I've missed you all dearly and, to be honest, I don't remember why I haven't been more up to do. But, it's alright; life happens.

These past few months (8 months to be exact) of living back at home have been so overwhelming at times and underwhelming at others. If I could wrap up this period of my life and illustrate it in a picture, it would be winding roads and pathways that lead off the page, into the great unknown.

The unknown was never a scary place for me. I would purposely hit my tennis balls into the forest (basically bushes and trees in the park) just so that I could have an adventure in the great wild! Even from my tiny tots days, I would leap into great waters (the local swimming pool) hoping to run into a shark so that I could implement the most epic escape ever. I dreamt of daring stunts and running from wolves, zig-zagging between trees to reach the edge of the mountain's cliff and leap into the sun free falling to the earth and landing unscathed. That was the me that delighted in the unknown.

But now...

    now, the unknown is my crippling enemy. That kryptonite to my Superwoman power, the Delilah to my Samson strength,

And I am fed up of the fear. I do blame the people around me though. It is 80-20, with me carrying only a slight fault in my current state. They filled my head with 'what ifs' and 'think again' and 'no' and 'are you sure?'. I never stood at crossroads for very long. I was always making choices and willingly living with whatever consequences, good or bad, because I knew why and was okay with that. Nevertheless, these days I spend most of my time picnicking at the crossroad, watching people go by and constantly turning around to see if my past will help me figure out the future.

Friends, this is not a good place to camp, or sink your roots. Not a good place at all.

Next installment, fixing this issue. Until then, sayanora!