Don't know who exactly is on the receiving end of this blog, but I just wanted to put this out there.
I'm in a funk.
Yes, that is correct. In a really sticky funk that hasn't allowed me space or time to study for my finals. It's the type of funk that gnaws where it hurts, almost enough to cry in exasperation, but instead you begin fumming or whining because enough is enough.You'd rather forget that you're in a funk that work your way out of it.
That's where I am. At this very moment. In a funk.
Now this funk, mind you, was not doing, nor do I want to stay within its hold any longer 'cause I really need to get to work.
"What is this funk?" you ask. Good question. Answer?
It's about my future. Yea, my future. The future that I thought I knew about since when I was 6 years old and proclaimed myself a lawyer. What went wrong?
(By writing about this funk, I am not truly dealing with it. I'll do that when my mom calls back. She doesn't realize how sticky this funk is.)
I am just tired of thinking that I know what I want to know and then looking around me and realizing I don't. I usually comes after seeing someone else that appears to have their life all worked out. That used to be me. I used to know what exactly I wanted to know, and if I didn't, I faked it. I did and it worked to keep me together until recently.
I don't want to fake it anymore, but I've lost so much of what I do want to do that faking it is all/almost all I know. I had sworn off being a lawyer because it was not my decision. Everyone said I'd do something great and I want to do that something, but it's so hard when I'd rather just live in a different country and help little children to make better lives for themselves.
I'm a complex person. I don't make sense, but to me it all makes sense. I'm confused. I'm really confused. What went wrong? God, what went wrong.
I'm done. I can't even finish this blog.
God, I just want to finish this paper and take my exams. I am tired of the funk. Cause it sucks...really badly.
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