This Massive World

Sometimes this world is too big.
This is when you start feeling helpless. As if no amount of the strength of the determination you can muster will suffice for the task. There is no telling when this strength will come, but you know that if it doesn’t come soon, the bottle of worries, anxieties and fears that you’ve managed to keep under a very secure lid will explode.
BOOM.
It’s that time of year again. The same thing happened as you slowly realized your weakness(es). However, this year, you thought you came fortified with the wall you’d so purposefully raised up.
Brick by brick.
But you did it all wrong. How? How is that possible? You had so much potential. But….alas…..you did it all wrong. Again. But don’t let the wall collapse now. It’s too late in the game. The words: Plow through! Plow Through! make it to the forefront of your mind.
It’s too late.
The bricks have fallen away as if blown by the wind in a manner so delicate, so warming. There could be none so great or powerful as to care for you the same way he cared for those who came before you. His loving embrace says “It’s never too late.”…and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:7 (NIV).

Late Conversations

In an attempt to be deep, I'll title this devotional: late conversations.
I, being who I am, woke up late and didn't spend time with God this morning. So here I am, 12:07am, doing what I know is best: listening.

He's speaking from Mark 12:41-44 and it's about the widow and her mite. Giving all she owns.
So here's how the conversation goes (so much for listening).
-My attitudinal self at this moment is questioning why Jesus has to be so right and calling attention to the things that seem insignificant. He watches all these people who are giving/contributing, but only points out the woman who gave "out of her poverty". This is where Jesus starts to handle me. I kind of felt that Jesus was always saying things that no one thought about or no one seemed to understand. It's like spitting out random facts that no one knows, but since it makes you sound smart and intellectual, you say it. But Jesus didn't have to prove anything, so he couldn't have said it to show off his philosophical side.
-The way the woman approached giving was in the most humbling way: she gave because she was grateful. She didn't give because she felt obligated otherwise she wouldn't have given out of her poverty. She didn't give to show off (she had nothing) and she didn't give because she wanted something in return. She gave as a form of gratitude.

-Gratitude that I don't always show.
-So there's the bitterness

-It's as if the woman who gave 2 mites out did everyone else. Everyone who worked hard to give, those who put in lots of time and energy and resources into the temple were outdone by a woman who "put in two very smal copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny." It's like working so hard and studying so much for an exam and you fail. Absolutely crash and burn. Where did you go wrong?--Where was your Father in all of this.

-Did you really expect a miracle with that $20? or what?
-I don't know what I was expecting when I put in that $20. I really don't know, but I was thankful though. I was indeed. I think.

"May our gifts be sacrificial,
From our hearts, and full of love;
Secretive and never showy,
Pleasing our great god above."-Sper

No place for the calc reject.

My third calculus test is this evening and I'm not studying.